It may be a cliche, but I've decided they are one in the same. I love being a mom, I do not, however, love being a maid. On the days when I feel overwhelmed, and not cut out for this mom business, I try to pinpoint exactly what is causing me so much stress. When the answer is not extreme sleep deprivation (which it often is, because let's face it, kids never sleep through the night), it is often the state of my house. They say happy children live in messy houses, or something like that, but what about happy moms? I can't stand my house being in this state! Let me just illustrate this point by posting an embarrassing photo of my kitchen as it stands at this very moment. After one long week, and many bottles of wine, this is what I am faced with. And now I am on spring break! Which is wonderful because I get to hang out with Charlie. But I also have to sit in my messy house because Charlie doesn't nap and I can't leave him alone for a second to clean now that he is mobile.
So aside from the lack of sleep, I can honestly say that the only part of motherhood I am not ok with is also being responsible for keeping a tidy house and keeping everyone fed. My husband does what he can, but when he comes home and asks me what I had for dinner, all I hear is "....me hungry...me want food...what you make..." at which point I yell at him to stop interrogating me because I had a delicious sub sandwich on my way home from work and I did not get him one. He proceeds to go to the store and return with: a bag of chips, a king size pack of Reese's peanut butter cups, and 5, 88 cent microwaveable meals with absolutely no nutritional value. So now I feel guilty that my husband is eating like an 18 year old college student even though he is a 31 year old attorney, my house is so messy that I didn't notice the day old dog vomit on the living room rug, and I have eaten nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for 2 days (except for my delicious sub sandwich on my way home from work yesterday).
So as I have this identity crisis in my messy house I feel like I have to decide each day what I am going to be, a good mom? A good teacher? A good wife? A good housekeeper? I gave up on being a good dog owner 8 months ago, and I have been cleaning up retributional vomit and poop ever since. So today I guess today I will be a good mom. I will take Charlie out into the world and show him things and laugh and play. And then I will come home, probably step in dog poop, cry, and drink some wine. But my little munchkin nugget will be happy and he will have happy memories of hanging out with his mommy which makes it all worth it. I just hope he doesn't remember the dog poop incident from Tuesday, which I shall keep a secret from him until my dying day. Or at least until he starts dating.
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